I hate myself for thinking nobody cares when they actually do.

Maybe some really don't, I know some really don't, but some do. And perhaps it doesn't really matter why they care. It doesn't matter if its only to make themselves glad or not. At least they care enough to make the effort. Who knows, they might care simply because they do.

Three friends have told me that their friend's happiness matter much more than anything else.

I asked another friend whom I've been ignoring abit about why she asked if I'm fine even though I've been so horrible. She said its because she knows I need it.

Another one wrote me a note saying how she understands and I really appreciate it.


I'm not trying to quantify this. I'm just trying to tell myself its stupid for me to still be depressed and not appreciate their efforts by continuing to complain about being unloved.


Maybe they love alot of others besides me. Maybe there are those who pretend to care but don't. Maybe some just don't care.

Maybe I really really don't deserve them. I'm too horrible, now.

Maybe I just need to stop thinking too much.